Cleaning up the closet

I only had one reason for blogging.

It was not the fame.
It was not the popularity.
To be honest, I am satisfied already as soon as I receive the confirmation that my post has gone live.

Over the span of two years, I have joined blogging forums and groups in order to send my voice out there.

This should look like this. That post should look like that. I should gain this much followers. I should connect. I should collaborate.

I joined in. I did what was suggested.
I failed at being a famous blogger and it sucked the life out of me.

Then, I remembered.
I remembered why I was here.
This was not about fame and popularity.
This was not even about getting my voice heard.

I blog because only through my writings can I pour my heart out.
Only through my writings can I be myself.
How ironic could that be when I do not even use my real name.

So, I am starting over.
I am cleaning out my closet.
This will be my last WordPress post.
I will also deactivate my Facebook fan page and account.

But, this is not the end for me.
If you wish to find me, I will still be very active in Instagram at @cavilleta.
For the occasional longer and in-depth post, find my writings on Medium and Twitter at @ca_villeta.
I like those platforms because they are very straightforward in getting my thoughts across. No customization. Just black and white with the occasional color accent. No myriad hashtags.

For those who have supported me, I am humbly thankful, really. I have enjoyed interacting with all of you and I hope this decision of mine will not prevent you from keeping in touch in the future.

Thank you very much and I am officially signing off.

Inspiration and The Lack Thereof

I know that I have not been writing in awhile. I don’t know what I should write. I don’t know about anything worth writing. I wanted to write about my thoughts but I thought that it might sound childish if all I did was talk about myself. I wanted to write about my travel experiences as I did notice that travel blogs are the new thing. I might get a lot of readers. Then again, I don’t know how to execute. I wanted to write about life but I did not want to sound so depressing.

I went to work yesterday. I had to work with a fellow attendant who is a good friend of mine. She and I had a lot in common. She also has her own blog. Go check it out. It is not your typical lifestyle and travel blog. If my writing  has any worth to anyone out there then go on ahead and thank her. She was one of my motivation to start writing again which resulted in this blog.

Anyway, we talked about our common love (I refuse to call it as obsession) for Harry Potter. Besides that, the topic steered towards our life and work relationships. Then, it, in my opinion, brought us closer as friends. I envy her a bit before to be honest. She was just this free and uncaring thing that would make me look at myself and realize how controlled I was as a person. But then again, if she could do it then why can’t I? That is because I have people to protect and prioritize first.

This C.A. Villeta alter ego is already a stretch for me. My dear friend, if you are reading this, I beg of you not to reveal my true identity. I can’t handle that yet. Call me a coward but that is it. Talk about being a Gryffindor.

Anyway, I wanted to continue this blog. I really do. So, I started to interview her on how she did it. I did learn a lot. The most striking part of our conversation was as follows…

Her: How is life?
Me: Boring.
Her: That is not possible because you are not a boring person. (That was honestly the sweetest thing that anyone had said to me in a long time.)
Me: Then how would you call it?
Her: Uneventful
Me: So I am an uneventful? Is that not the same thing as boring?
Her: Not uneventful. I would say that not much things happen in your life.
Me: Same thing.
Her: ‘Uneventful’ is not really an appropriate adjective to describe a person.
*We started laughing*
Me: How do you do it? How do you come up with things to write about?
Her: When life happens then I blog.
Me: Then I must be so boring.

Then she talks about how she started her blog. I had to cut her off because I knew how. I knew what her social media posts meant. She told me all of it before. She forgot, apparently. Yet, silly me forgot the actual name of her blog when it was so painstakingly obvious. She talked about her experiences with whatever it was that was the closest that she could do in matters of blog promotion. She also talked about her most successful series, Single Girl Diaries.

I did not tell her that I write a blog as well. Part of me was embarrassed because I have been doing a foul job at it. Part of me was still clinging to the self-preservation that no one must know my true identity. And here I am talking about being myself. I am such a hypocrite. Then again, I am a big mess of contradictions. I recently posted a true life short story on Medium and I sent the link to the person in question. Now, I am writing this and throwing my shield up for her to know who I am. What a mess.

So, main point is I am writing again. Hopefully for the long haul. When life happens then she blogs. I guess I was looking for some majestic breakthrough in mine so that I could have the motivation to write again. That conversation must be it.

How will I do it? How will I come up with things to write about?
I have not the slightest idea.
For now, I will just write.
I will write even if it is just gibberish like this post right here.
I will write until I write something that matters.
I will write until the gibberish matters.
I hope.

It feels good to type again, to be honest.
To my dear friend, thank you. And yes, I think you are right. You should write more. There are people counting on your work. Count me as one of them.

Blogtober Challenge 29: The Phoenix Effect

Three days to go before the end of October.
This is my first Thankful Thursday post.
I could not help but feel sentimental.

2013 was the best year of my existence. It is funny since it is the year after the dreaded end of the world.
September 2014 was the start of the worst year of my life. September 2015 just ended, I know. Does it mean that my worst year is over?

I am not certain. All I know that September 2015 was the start of me rising up from my own ashes.
I feel like baby Fawkes as I typed that last bit.

I have a lot to be thankful for. The mere fact that I am already on my first step of recovery is something to be thankful for.
There are a lot of things to be thankful for because I would not be recovering because of them.

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Reaching For The Star: The Liebster Award

The Liebster Award

The Liebster Award

Do you recall how heart-warming it is to receive positive feedback of your work? Well, if you are open-minded then you know how good it feels to receive any feedback at all either positive or negative.

With a month’s worth of blogging experience and two year’s worth of untutored writing experience, I feel like I am on Cloud Nine whenever someone reacts to my work. To think that I was happy enough… Then POOF! I was sent to Cloud Ten when I was nominated for the Liebster Award!

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Blogtober Challenge 23: Big In 2.0.1.6.

I am a bit excited for this post. 23 days into the Blogtober Challenge and I have not still missed a single day! Congratulations to me!

Today, I am to discuss my blogging goals for next year.
Let’s do some numbers before I get down into details.

I aim for at least…

…300 WordPress followers
…1000 Twitter followers
…500 Instagram followers
…1 award recognition
…1 magazine feature
…1 completed daily project

Quite ambitious if I do say so myself.
The numbers are easy. Let me discuss the last item about the daily project.

So, Blogtober inspired me and pushed me to my writing and management limits. I have written things that I did not think that I could think of in a span of five hours or less.

I like pushing myself so I’m going overboard and starting a 365 daily project starting 1 January 2016.
It is like there are too many signs. While in the midst of all the Blogtober chaos, I bought this book called Recharge Your Design Batteries. It is a nice book. Go check it out.

Then the other day, I saw this creative journal called 365: A Daily Creative Journal: Make Something Everyday And Change Your Life! by Noah Scalin.

He sounded familiar and so I scanned the pages to find out that he was the mastermind behind the Skull-a-Day project which was featured in that creativity book that I bought. I was already inspired by him then to push on with Blogtober but to find a journal that he actually wrote… I bought it in an instant.

So yeah, I’m going to do a daily project for a year. If Mr. Scalin chose skulls then I choose planes.

Why? I love to fly. I love the wind. I love the freedom.

And because I have already published my intention to create this project then I have no choice but to push on with it unless I want to be a laughing stock.

Honestly, I need all the help and support that I could get.

And since I am all about goals today then I might as well stretch it. By 2017, I am to publish my own book.

Oh God, please support and pray for my sanity. Hahahaha

Blogtober Challenge 20: The Evolution of My Workspace

I wish I have a desk. I wish I did. I used to have one. During my school days.

Once I stepped into the alumni batch, my parents thought it fit to disassemble and dismantle my desk.

My heart broke.

I was proud of it. I used to have those Re-Ment miniatures and cute little pencil holders. Then I used to have those colorful notepads and notebooks. I had assorted clear books and those Japanese DIY magazine on the top shelf of my desk.

When my school desk was destroyed, my things were brought outside and packed in garbage bags. I had to go out one night and do some scavenger hunting.

At least, I had one picture of it. Well, I tried looking for it. I can’t find it anywhere. Let me just sob in a corner for two minutes.

When I started to go into cabin crew training up to my first year of flying, I has shifted my amusement for my late great school desk to my bedroom headboard. It had Pop! Figures and photos of myself in large gold-leaf frames. I also had my notebooks and Harry Potter memorabilia. Then, I was also proud of my growing snowglobe collection.

wpid-wp-1445250039423.jpeg

My bedroom headboard during my post-school and pre-flying years

After my first year in flying, I transferred all my stuff to a glass cabinet. I only left my notebooks on my headboard resulting in my current ‘desk’.

my desk

My current ‘desk’

So yeah, its a mess.

The box contains assorted art supplies, too many and too much of an assortment to mention.

I miss my old desk. Although, the lack of desk taught me to work with what I have and to maximize my thoughts and ideas.

I guess it was all good in the end. It will still sound good to have a proper desk though.

Blogtober Challenge 19: How To Make Scrambled Eggs

I don’t know how to cook. But, I love breakfast food. I could eat breakfast all day. (Yeap, take down notes, boys)

I can cook breakfast food. That is because the recipes can be found behind the box of flour or whatever and as long as you make that then whatever you add to it is still acceptable. Breakfast food is very open to interpretation and adaptation.

So, for today, I am tasked by Blogtober to share my favorite recipe. This is the only one that I have mastered (only recently). Let me put on my imaginary chef’s hat and I will teach you how to make scrambled eggs.

SCRAMBLED EGGS, yes, you read right.

Oh but these are not just any kind of scrambled eggs. You can’t physically eat them. But, it will satisfy you nonetheless..

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Blogtober Challenge 18: I Should Have Known

Forgive me for sounding redundant. The next challenge for Blogtober is that I share some things that I should have known five years ago.

I was 18 years old five years ago. Looking back, I realized that the girl from five years ago does not exist anymore.

I have learned and experienced so much during the course of five years that it evolved me into the person that I am today.

Those are things that if my 18-year-old knew and experienced during that time then she would be distraught beyond her mind.

So, no. As with the future, I have no  to foresee or in this case to undo my past. There is nothing that I would wish to inform my younger self.

There is a reason why and when things happen. I believe that whatever achievement or trial that we experience in whatever point of our life is timed at that moment for a reason.

Sure, I could easily tell my younger self all the preparations and solutions that she should take in the future. I could easily tell her the mistakes that I made and how she should avoid such.

But, I won’t.

I told you. I do not like to know what is about to happen. Where is the fun in that? That is like playing an RPG game while reading it’s complete guide and following it to the last letter. You may achieve happily ever after but the experience would not be as fulfilling as if you figured things out for yourself.

Call it spoiler-phobia if you will.

How about you? What are your thoughts on what to say to your younger self?

Blogtober Challenge 17: Empathy For The Newbie

What gives me the right to preach? What gives me the authority to say what must be done? What makes me accountable for all that I can advice?

Blogtober Challenge 17 is all about the tips that I could give to new bloggers. It sounds quite unreliable that I, a new blogger, will tell other new bloggers what to do to get better in their craft.

That is the purpose of Struggling To Be A Human Being. I am here to empathize. I know hard it is to start a new blog. I am not here to give tips. I would rather call them personal experiences of mine that works for me.

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